As a parent of a child with special needs, I can’t tell you how many times someone has innocently said to me, “I don’t know how you do it.” Meant to be an empathetic comment, it often left me wanting to respond, “I don’t know either” or, “It’s not like I have a choice...” Being a special-needs parent is not something I wished for, but is part of who I am. Usually I was the person who helped - now I am often the one who needs help. I am more comfortable giving than receiving. It hurts to feel vulnerable. It’s difficult to acknowledge that I can’t do it all on my own, that I need ‘the village.’
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When a child receives as psychoeducational diagnosis following an assessment process, many parents are faced with the same key question: ‘When and how should I talk to my child and other children about the assessment results?’ While each child is unique and individualized guidance can be key in navigating the best approach for your family, the following are some guidelines for you to consider.
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Many parents of a special needs child appear to parent with grace, balance, and energy. In addition, these parents seem remarkably stress-free and organized. How, in the face of all of these challenges and more, do they keep it together? What habits do they embrace that allow them to be a highly-effective parent for their special needs child?
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First things first: In every family household, some degree of parent-child conflict is inevitable and a sign of healthy child development. From early toddlerhood to late adolescence, children are growing a rapidly evolving awareness of themselves and the world around them. As children become more attuned to their own goals and identities, they may naturally feel less inclined to accept expectations and rules laid out for them by their parents. Further, some children, by their very nature, are exceptionally strong-willed or emotionally reactive. Consequently, every parent will deal with moments when children push boundaries, argue, negotiate, melt down, storm off, or simply refuse to cooperate. These parent-child interactions can be unpleasant and draining; however, for the vast majority of families, butting heads is the exception rather than the rule. It does not define the daily household dynamic or impact a family’s capacity to function in a healthy way.
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