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During the early days of COVID-19, I worked in family’s homes as a behavioral aide for neurodivergent children, primarily on the autism spectrum. I saw firsthand what happened when working parents were forced to juggle remote meetings, therapy sessions, household demands, and full-time childcare – all within the same square footage.
\n \nI vividly remember one particular moment when a mother was mid-consultation with her manager while her son, clad in a Batman cape and rubber boots, hosted a “talent show” in the background involving a kazoo, three LEGO® towers, and an overturned laundry basket. The manager was gracious. The mom mouthed, “I’m so sorry.” And I thought: There’s got to be a better way.
\nWhile the pandemic may feel like a different lifetime, hybrid work and remote flexibility remain. And for parents, summer – with its lack of school structure – can reignite the same chaos. Fortunately, psychological science offers more than empathy. It provides a toolkit, a framework, and (most importantly) relief. Below are six research-backed strategies to help you parent effectively and work productively – without burning out.
\nBritish pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott coined the term “good enough mother” to counteract the myth of perfect parenting. His research – echoed in modern attachment theory – emphasized that children don’t need flawless caregivers. They need consistent, responsive ones. In fact, perfection can actually inhibit children’s tolerance for frustration and hinder emotional growth (Tronick’s “Still Face” experiments showed this beautifully).
\nBut here's what Winnicott didn’t say (and maybe should’ve): Give yourself a break. If you’re parenting full-time while working full-time from home, you’re doing something remarkable. That alone deserves self-compassion.
\nSelf-compassion, as conceptualized by Dr. Kristin Neff, is linked to lower parental stress, increased patience, and healthier emotional modeling. It involves three components: self-kindness, recognizing common humanity, and mindfulness. When you let go of self-criticism and acknowledge that parenting is inherently hard (especially now), you create space for grace – and your kids benefit too.
\nRepeat after me: You are doing a good job. Even when you forget the sunscreen.
\nThe developing prefrontal cortex is deeply comforted by predictability. Structure supports regulation, and regulation supports sanity – for everyone involved. Without it, the days can dissolve into an endless loop of snacks, screen-time battles, and sudden living-room gymnastics.
\nAccording to behavioral neuroscience, routines help anchor circadian rhythms, reduce cognitive load, and improve mood stability (McClung, 2007). Try setting up a flexible framework: morning “brain time,” midday movement, post-lunch quiet time. Visual schedules and timers can externalize expectations and reduce the pressure of constant verbal reminders.
\nNot only does this make your day more predictable – it helps your child feel safe and in control. And that’s half the battle.
\nDavid Premack’s foundational behavioral theory states that preferred activities can reinforce less preferred ones. This makes the “First homework, then Minecraft” strategy not a desperate bargain, but a valid behavioral intervention.
\nUse it to shape behavior and increase independence. “First help clean up, then water balloons.” This works best when rewards are immediate and clear – especially for younger children or those with ADHD, who often struggle with delayed gratification.
\nIt’s not bribery. It’s neuroscience. And it’s effective.
\nInspired by developmental psychologist Mildred Parten’s stages of play, parallel play involves side-by-side, but independent, activity. For busy parents, this can become a practical strategy for coexisting peacefully during work hours.
\nSet up a “co-working” space where your child has access to quiet, independent tasks (e.g., puzzles, audiobooks, drawing) while you answer emails. Research shows that proximity alone can increase children’s attention span and calmness through co-regulation (Ainsworth et al., 1978; Posner & Rothbart, 2007).
\nBonus: you can both “earn” breaks together, reinforcing shared rhythm and connection.
\nAccording to co-regulation theory, children learn to manage their emotions by watching caregivers manage theirs. Your nervous system sets the tone. In fact, Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory suggests that your calm voice, warm eye contact, and gentle presence can help shift a child’s nervous system from fight-or-flight to safety and connection.
\nSo when you’re on the brink of snapping, pause. Model regulation out loud: “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take three deep breaths.” This not only helps you reset – it teaches your child the foundations of emotional intelligence (Goleman, 1995).
\nSmall, mindful moments are powerful. Your self-regulation becomes their instruction manual.
\nOne of the most underrated parenting tools during summer is setting – and holding – boundaries. According to family systems theory (Bowen, 1978), clear and consistent boundaries help maintain balance within a family unit. Without them, enmeshment, burnout, and role confusion creep in.
\nSet clear work vs. play zones: “When the door is closed and the red sign is up, I’m in a meeting. You can knock if it’s an emergency.” Then define what counts as an emergency (Spoiler: the cat wearing doll clothes is probably not it).
\nBoundaries can also mean emotional limits. It’s okay to say no to another playdate or to ask for quiet time when your bandwidth is low. Enforcing healthy boundaries teaches children respect, patience, and independence – all crucial life skills.
\nAnd don’t forget internal boundaries. Know when to shut the laptop. Know when to prioritize connection. And remember: no one is “on” all the time. Not even you.
\nFinal Thoughts
\nSummer isn’t just sticky popsicles and family bike rides – it’s also missed meetings, messy kitchens, and meltdowns at 2:37pm. These months are a blend of joy and chaos. And while there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, psychological science reminds us of this truth: structure, self-compassion, boundaries, and connection matter more than perfection.
\nSo give yourself permission to be a “good enough” parent. Build in rest. Model grace. And when in doubt, let the fashion show happen after the Zoom call.
\nYou’ve got this.
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Hannah is a Counsellor at Innerlogue Therapy & Psychology. She provides counselling intervention for neurodiverse children, adults and families. Hannah offers counselling sessions at Innerlogue’s Kensington location.
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