“Am I Doing Enough?”
\nThis is a question that is all too familiar to most parents; it echoes the walls of every nursery, every household. Maybe you didn’t have time to cook, and you are serving take-out or fast food. Perhaps you returned to work early and did not take the full maternity leave. Or, maybe you feel like you should be working instead of, or in addition to, taking care of your child.
\n \nWhatever it may be, the notion that perhaps you should be doing more has crossed many parents’ minds, but no matter how pervasive it may seem, it typically does not provide an accurate reflection of parents’ efforts, nor does it mean that you are failing. You are doing better than you think, and it is time for you to believe that.
\nThe Myth of the “Perfect Parent”
\nSocial media keeps us company in that quiet solitude while scrolling on the phone, and serves as a respite during those late-night feeds. However, the sheer volume of advice regarding sleep, nutrition, and activities to keep young ones entertained, not to mention all the DIY and home renovation projects that parents can do, and exercises to achieve the perfect body, all while taking care of a child, can be overwhelming.
\nThere is a cultural and societal pressure to achieve an Instagram-worthy level of parenting, and at times, it could feel that anything short of perfection can only mean failure. The reality of it all, however, is that parenting is not a one-size-fits-all. Parenting is messy, and no one has it all figured out. What children need is “good enough” parenting, not perfection.
\nThe Small Daily Acts of Care Matter
\nListening to your child, reading them a bedtime story, packing their lunches, watching their game, and essentially all those moments when you show up make a difference. It is a mistake to think that a grand gesture is needed to make an impact on your child’s life. On the contrary, the things parents do for their children on a regular basis fosters a sense of safety and provides the underpinnings of a stable connection that is crucial for their development.
\nThus, your presence, consistency, and care are extremely valuable, and you would be remiss if you didn’t acknowledge these as small victories. So, the next time you get your child’s lunch bag ready or tie their hair, whether it be just before you leave for work or just before you tackle another day of parenting, know that you are showing them love.
\nResilience and Boundaries
\nChildren need resilient parents. Resilience means showing up with patience and love, even on hard days, and modelling emotional strength through challenges. It also means knowing when to say no, whether to extra work, social obligations, or unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves, and setting boundaries that protect our time and energy. By doing so, you give yourself space to rest, recharge, and be more present with your child.
\nParenthood is about learning, growing, and showing your child how to handle mistakes with compassion and problem-solving. By modelling resilience and healthy boundaries, you teach your child to do the same.
\nThe Power of Love and Connection
\nWhen you are a parent, you always want what’s best for your children. Parents strive to give their children the world. Sometimes, parents go overboard and forget about the most important things in life – emotional connection. They can tell you again and again the story of how they enjoyed movie night three weeks ago, or how fun it was playing pop-up pirate last Friday night. They may forget specific details, but they will always remember how they felt when you connected with them.
\nEmotional connection does not have to be grand and luxurious. Sure, you can plan special holidays, but it can also be a simple afternoon walk at the park together or listening to them talk about how their day went at school. It doesn’t have to be an expensive vacation or a big birthday party, it can be those little moments where you pretend to be their customer as they play pretend restaurant. These simple gestures can provide emotional safety and love to your child. This is the connection that they need and the kind that sticks in their core memories. Giving them the world means giving them what they truly need – a loving and present parent.
\nGive Yourself Grace
\nMost often than not, parents are too hard on themselves. They are quick to judge and second-guess their decisions. The “parent guilt” lies deep within a parent’s core. And it can be hard to counter, but it is essential to recognize that being a parent does not mean doing it all. It is okay to rest, ask for help, and set some boundaries. Engaging in self-care reflects good parenting. After all, how can you fill your children’s cups when your own cup is empty? Part of self-care is giving yourself grace.
\nAmidst all the pressures and high expectations from society, parents should be compassionate and forgiving of themselves. No one gets it right all the time and it only shows that parents are also human beings who are capable of learning and growing. And the best thing they can do is show up, no matter how imperfect they feel they are.
\nFocus on nurturing emotional connection through small daily acts of care, and model resilience for your child along the way. Most importantly, remember to give yourself grace. Parenting is hard, yet if you ever find yourself wondering, “Am I doing enough?”, the answer is very likely yes. Reaching out for support, whether from family, neighbors, friends, or a therapist, can also make a meaningful difference. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a recognition that we all need support sometimes.
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Priscilla is a Registered Psychologist and supervises Aiko and Donna as they complete their counselling internships at Innerlogue Therapy & Psychology. Innerlogue Therapy & Psychology has two locations in Calgary – Kensington and Midnapore.
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