The power of cultivating emotional intelligence in children

Written by: Hannah Reid, Counselling Intern and Priscilla Lee, R. Psych

The Evolving Role of Parenting and Emotional Literacy

The world is always re-defining what it means to be a parent. Parents take on so much; from the stress of creating a birth plan to supporting your children as they begin the career planning process, parents are perpetually challenged with equipping their children with the tools that they need to navigate the complexities of the human experience. Emotional literacy may be one of the most important tools a parent can teach. 

Emotional intelligence is a foundational skill that influences every aspect of a child’s life – from the formation of friendships and academic performance to the cultivation of long-term mental health and resilience. Teaching children how to recognize, name, and manage their emotions lays the groundwork for effective communication, problem-solving, and emotional well-being. This is not just about helping children behave well or succeed in school; it’s about preparing them to become empathetic friends, supportive partners, and responsible adults. Emotional literacy equips children with the tools they need to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and resilience.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is not just an added advantage; it is essential for social, academic, and psychological success. Research consistently shows that children with high emotional intelligence are better equipped to manage stress, build positive relationships, and excel academically.

Children who can identify and articulate their feelings are better communicators, reducing misunderstandings and conflicts. By recognizing their emotional states, they approach problems more calmly and rationally. This emotional awareness fosters resilience, helping them cope with anxiety, frustration, and disappointment. It also enhances empathy, allowing them to build meaningful connections with others.

Emotional intelligence is particularly crucial for neurodivergent children who may struggle with emotional regulation, social interactions, or sensory overload. Teaching emotional literacy helps these children navigate their unique challenges with greater confidence and resilience.

Recognizing and Naming Emotions: The First Step to Emotional Intelligence

Before children can manage their emotions, they need to recognize and name them. It may sound simple, but it is profoundly powerful. Research shows that children with a rich emotional vocabulary are better equipped to handle stress and build positive relationships. Teaching children to label their emotions – such as understanding the difference between feeling “frustrated” versus “disappointed” – helps them interpret their experiences more accurately, reducing anxiety and enhancing problem-solving skills.

Naming Feelings and Expanding Emotional Vocabulary

One effective way to help children name their emotions is by using a list of emotion words or “Wheel of Emotions” visuals, and exploring them together. 

For younger children, this can be done through pictures that depict various emotions and matching them with corresponding words. Older children can expand their emotional vocabulary by discussing more nuanced feelings like “overwhelmed” or “insecure,” helping them better articulate their experiences. This approach also builds empathy by enabling children to understand the emotional experiences of others.

Scaling Emotions: Using a 1 to 10 Ladder

A helpful tool for children who struggle to pinpoint precise emotions is the 1 to 10 scale, rooted in 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This technique allows children to rate the intensity of their feelings, aiding them in understanding and contextualizing their emotional experiences.

How to implement:

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• Create an emotion ladder. For example, an “anxiety ladder” where children rank situations from the least anxiety-provoking (1) to the most anxiety-provoking (10).
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• Contextualize emotions. This method helps children recognize patterns and develop coping strategies accordingly.
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• Develop emotional awareness. By scaling their emotions, children learn that emotions are not binary but exist on a spectrum, enhancing emotional intelligence.
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This method helps children recognize that emotions can vary in intensity and that they can experience different levels of the same emotion. For example, feeling slightly anxious before a test is different from feeling overwhelmed by anxiety in a new social setting. Understanding this spectrum allows children to contextualize their emotions better and approach challenges more effectively.

The “Where I Feel” Tool: Connecting Emotions to Physical Sensations

Children often experience emotions as physical sensations before they can name them. For example, anxiety might feel like butterflies in the stomach, while anger might cause tension in the shoulders. Teaching children to notice where they feel emotions in their bodies helps them become more aware of their emotional states, enabling them to navigate emotional moments with greater insight and control.

How to use it:

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• Choose colors for emotions. Children select a color to represent each emotion, such as red for anger or blue for sadness.
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• Identify bodily sensations. They identify where they feel each emotion in their body, such as tight fists for anger or a knot in the stomach for fear.
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• Color the figure. Using an outline of a body, children color areas where they feel each emotion.
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This tool helps children connect emotions with physical sensations, which is crucial for emotional regulation. By understanding bodily responses, children become more attuned to their emotional experiences and develop strategies to manage them.

Managing Emotions: Tools for Emotional Regulation

Recognizing and naming emotions is only the first step. Children also need strategies to manage them. Emotional regulation is vital for maintaining focus in academic settings, navigating social interactions, and supporting overall mental health.

Zones of Regulation: A Structured Approach to Emotional Management

The Zones of Regulation framework categorizes emotions into four color-coded zones:

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• Blue Zone: Sad, tired, or bored.
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• Green Zone: Calm, focused, and happy (the optimal state for learning).
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• Yellow Zone: Anxious, excited, or frustrated.
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• Red Zone: Angry, out-of-control, or overwhelmed.
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How to use it:

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• Introduce zones with visuals. Relatable examples and visuals, such as a traffic light, help children understand each zone.
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• Identify zones. Encourage children to identify which zone they are in during different situations, promoting self-awareness.
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• Teach coping strategies. Provide tailored strategies for each zone, such as deep breathing for the Yellow Zone or taking a break for the Red Zone.
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By associating emotions with colors, children better understand and communicate their feelings, leading to healthier emotional responses. This approach also teaches them that all emotions are normal, but require different coping strategies.

Conclusion: A Foundation for Lifelong Success

Teaching children about their feelings is an investment in their future. Emotional literacy is not just about good behavior or academic success; it is about raising emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and resilient individuals who can communicate clearly, show empathy, and manage conflicts gracefully.

By teaching children emotional intelligence, parents and educators are giving them the tools to be empathetic friends, supportive partners, resilient individuals, and compassionate leaders. Emotional intelligence directly influences regulation and resilience, serving as a powerful predictor of success across social, academic, and emotional domains. When children learn to understand and manage their emotions, they develop the emotional agility needed to navigate challenges with confidence and adaptability, setting the stage for lifelong well-being and achievement. These skills prepare them to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and compassion, building a foundation for lifelong success.

Hannah Reid is a Counselling Intern and Priscilla Lee is a Registered Psychologist at Innerlogue Therapy & Psychology, located in NW Kensington and SW Midnapore. They work with children, families, and adult mental health. For more information, please visit innerloguetherapy.com.

See our related articles:

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• Recognizing and labeling feelings
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• Let's Talk Big Feelings!
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• Working through big emotions 
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