School’s out for the summer, and while the kids may be ready to ditch the books in exchange for days spent playing outside and eating popsicles, co-parents know all too well the challenges of figuring out a schedule.
\n \nChanges to the routine, the burden and expense of finding childcare or summer camps, and arranging vacations are some challenges parents can face during this time. I had to create a spreadsheet to keep track of the summer camp enrollments for my three kids!
\nCo-parents face the extra challenge of coordinating their schedule with a parent in another household whose plans may differ.
\nThese differing plans and the complexity of creating a schedule that both parents agree to can lead to increased tension and stress between co-parents, negatively affecting the mental health of the co-parents and their children.
\nCo-parents can work toward reducing this tension and increasing cooperation by following a few guidelines (while staying within the parameters of the parenting agreement):
\n1. Plan. A plan formulated in advance will help alleviate some stress once summer hits. Co-parents can present their ideas and any vacations they plan to take. Planning also allows parents to change the parenting plan for the summer, if desired, and address paperwork requirements (e.g., if permissions are required to take a child on vacation or a summer camp requires both signatures). Visually mapping the summer on a shared calendar can help ensure no overlaps occur and that the schedule accounts for all the time over the summer (there are nine weeks to fill!).
\n2. Communication is key. While continued communication between co-parents may seem like an obvious suggestion, it is often challenging to execute. It is essential to keep conversations regulated and respectful during the planning phases and throughout the summer. It is also helpful to plan how the child will communicate with the other parent during extended time apart (e.g., on a vacation). Parents can then communicate this plan to the child to help reduce stress and worry about their access to this parent.
\n3. Include your child. Co-parents should make all major decisions in advance, and parents should not ask children to choose between them. However, kids can be included in some of the decisions, helping to increase their sense of control and satisfaction with the activities. For example, presenting three options for summer camp to choose from or asking, “Would you like to go to the zoo or Heritage Park on Friday?”
\n4. Get help if needed. Sometimes, despite their best efforts, co-parents struggle to agree on summer plans. If discussions become unproductive or you encounter difficulty coordinating together, consider enlisting the help of a mediator. The mediator can provide a neutral and supportive environment for parents to explore a resolution that is in the best interest of their child and is acceptable to both parents.
\n5. Get on the same parenting page. In my household, some of the structure we tried so hard to maintain during the school year dissolves into late nights, extra screen time, and erratic mealtimes. Aligning some major points (e.g., bedtime and screen time over the summer months) can help your child maintain a sense of predictability and know what to expect at each parent’s house. Agreeing on these points may also help reduce children’s common complaints, like, “But the other parent lets us stay up later.”
\n6. Keep the focus on connection. Connection and positive experiences with caregivers help build regulation in children, and summer is an excellent time for parents to explore new and different ways to connect with their children. When planning for the summer, creating schedules and activities that promote connection between the child and each parent will help foster emotional regulation and increase enjoyment for all involved. Parents can tailor these activities toward each parent and child’s shared interests. For example, my children’s father enjoys taking them for walks and playing sports. In contrast, I enjoy reading and watching movies together.
\nSometimes, even parents with the most meticulously planned schedules encounter challenges or oversights (like when I booked my kids in two camps on the same date). If you experience a challenge, take a deep breath and revisit the tips above!
\nWishing you and your family a wonderful summer!
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Josée is a registered psychologist with Flutterby Psychology (flutterbypsychology.com) in Okotoks, AB. She specializes in working with children from newborn to age 12, offering counselling in areas such as anxiety, social issues, ADHD, Autism, behavioural concerns, emotional regulation, divorce or separation, and trauma. In addition to counselling, she also provides consultation services to parents.
\nReferences
\nHambrick, E. O., Seedat, S., & Perry, B. D. (2021). Editorial: How the timing, nature, and duration of relationally positive experiences influence outcomes in children with adverse childhood experiences. Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience, 15. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnbeg.2021.755959
\nMarsden, A. (2024, July 3). Resolving parenting conflicts through mediation. Crossroads Law. https://www.crossroadslaw.ca/blog/resolving-parenting-conflicts-through-mediation/
\nSchulz, M. K., Wood, C. E., & Giallo, R. (2023). Co-parenting and parenting behaviour: The role of parent mental health for mothers and fathers in the postnatal period. Child & Family Social Work, 28(4), 1203-1213. https://doi.org/10.1111/cfs.13042
\nVisser, M., Finkenhauer, C., Schoemaker, K., Kluer, E., Rijken, R. V., Der Lawick, J. V., Bom, H., de Schipper, J. C., & Lamers-Winkelman, F. (2017). I’ll never forgive you: High conflict divorce, social network, and co-parenting conflicts. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 26(11), 3055-3066. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0821-6
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